The Things I Have Lost

I'm not used to writing anymore. It's not something that has worked its way back into my life yet. I think that will change once we move. I hope it will change. There are a lot of things I've lost in the past several months - but none compare to the things I've gained, and I try to remind myself of that every day. The things I have lost, well, some were fleeting to begin with. Some were just plain bad for me. Yet, somehow those are the things I still hold onto. My childish ways. The people who decided it was fair to take advantage of me. And a dying faith.

Each day, I love him.

I am the kind of person who inevitably does things backwards. The kind of person who got asked, "What exactly are you doing?" quite a bit growing up. And still... as a 'grown-up'. It's really hard to believe in people sometimes. All of their judgment and their criticism.

But as I lay next to this man I am about to marry, love overflows from every inch of me - inside and out. I really do hope this is what everyone feels when they find that 'one' person. I never meant to fall in love with him. Honest. But I did. His eyes, his goofy smile, his pulling me out of some of my darkest moments... all of the things that drew us together - it was... it is... so absolute and real. And the love that pulses through my heart every day for this man is enough to pull me through my disbelief in people. It's enough to pull me through the hell they've surrounded us by. Every second, he is worth it.

Each day, I love him. I have. And I will.